well...

it's releaving, but embarrasing; i've been rejected from the millitary. not forever, in fact, i can still go if i want... but right now, i'm too fat. i was over by 4% body fat. i'm glad i'm not at bootcamp... i was really scared about going, but i'm ashamed. i know i dissapointed alot of people. i'm sorry to all who feel that way. anyway... i just figured i'd post it so people know what's going on. while i'm here, at least i've managed to get a few good things going. and i'm praying i get a job at cryo-vac. if i do, then i won't have to go into the millitary (i found out i can still say i don't want to go). anyway, i ask for prayers from whoever will, and i thank you in advance. thank you for your love... it's appreciated so much.

My last blog for a good while...

i'm shipping out soon. on the 18th in fact. people keep asking, " are you excited?" um... well... i'm going to bootcamp, not six flags. why would i be excited? i'm not scared, though. i know its gonna be rough, and i'm gonna hate it, but i gotta do it. so, to me, its just another thing i have to do. i'll get through it, (without dying, hopefully lol) and i'll be where ever i decide to be from there. lucky me, i get to choose. anyways... i get to come home for two weeks during christmas. the army calls it Exodus. so, i'll be home around then, and i plan on visiting all of my friends. i'll see you all in 6 months, or christmas... or just whenever i see ya!

I can ride my bike with no handlebars....

the name has nothing to do with this... this is a poem a wrote, cuz heather asked me to write her one.



for the end of the beginning is still the end,
even though more will yet come.
and though the surprise is that there's more to come,
its rarely seen before time.
time is a thing un-comprehendable,
a thing no human could dare,
but as we walk
we have to remember that a new beginning could be near.
so never forget the lost,
whether alive or dead.
never forget the lovers,
who spent so much time in your head.
and never forget your dearest,
the friends who were always there,
the ones who've always loved you,
the ones who always cared.



hope ya like it

newsz

i wanna tell you just how i really feel,
how much i love you, how my heart is steeled,
i'd love to let you feel my confusion,
my anguish,
the loss inside the indecision,
the pain that
constantly naws,
even when i feel fine.
i want to show you
just
how
i've
become
undead.

sorry don't read this..

the lies are broken, the chains are gone,
i've finally revealed all the hidden wrongs,
i'm not quite sure just how i feel,
but i think for, once, i'm feeling real,
not lost in a world that doesn't exist,
not meandering through a life full of synthetic bliss,
not drowning in bitterness, or sorrow, or pain,
not numb and cold, a zombeh again.

finally...
i think i can move on. i feel the same about you as you do about me. but the differance is...

...you deserve it.


or do read it... whatever ya want. i wrote it to celebrate my own freedom today. it's a long difficult story that i don't care to tell, seeing as i'm trying to forget this, one of the worst times in my life. i figure i'll have other bad times, so why hold on to them? they'll just all drag me down. so i'm trying to forge happy memories, and you know what? it seems to be working. my emotions may change a little often, but it's in reaction to what i percieve to be happening. and i'm learning the most amazing new talent... to be happy, no matter what. before you ask... not what it sounds like. i still get mad. in fact i had a large argument with one of my bossess today because he tried to blame his mistake on me. but the special thing is... im learning to drop it much quicker and move on to being happy again. ya know???? i think i'm gonna try to post an excerpt from my book on here soon. maybe in a few days.

just a simple one

everything you love leaves or dies,
its the truth, and i'm tired of all the lies.
no longer, ignored,
i realize the score
was never so easily judged.

for a friend

brightly, colors blazing,
burning like the midnight sun,
the vivid hues amazing,
the darkness starts to run.

the wings are slowly moving,
gently rising and falling,
the gentle fluttering so soothing,
and the winds current's calling.

i can see you in the colours of the butterfly,
as it lazily flaps it wings,
in my thoughts you often walk by,
and though your not here, you cause me to sing!

i love you my friend for the joy that you bring,
the colour you add to my life!
and without you, something,
would be missing, and i'd be quickly overrun with strife.