One thing that drives me insane...

have you ever noticed that theres always a few people around that have to hear everyone's problems... from the insignificant to the most back breaking dilemma's? i seem to be one of those people. i don't mind. it kinda makes me feel good that i can try to be uplifting to someone else. but you know what really kills me? the one thing that drives me nuts? no one cares to listen to whats on my mind. my friends try, but then after a while they decide that all they can do is tell me to get over it, or quit thinking about it. my brain's being consumed by acid over here, and i'm supposed to forget it??? umm... ok, let me try that, and tell you how it works out. argh....! it just makes me mad that im nice enough to be there for people who won't do the same for me. through all the crying, and moping, and pouting, and even talk of suicide that i've had to listen to, you'd think someone, somewhere would be grateful to return the favor. well, thanks guys... sharing emotions is really the one thing i'm halfway maybe okay at... and know thats blocked of because i have no outlet. sigh....

the scarecrow version 1.1

he stands in the midst of dusk, his frame a darkened husk,
alone, surrounded by dust, across empty fields he glares,
his form twisted, quite grotesque, vigilantly watches,
always ready to defend, all that which his vision crosses,
the scarecrow grins a sadistic grin, his teeth like shining daggers,
his hollow laugh echoes upon the barren field he watches,
ready at once to rend, to tear, destroy, and maim,
willing, hoping for another one, a victim for to claim,

Starting a new path today...

k first off, lets get this out of the way, cuz i'm tired of people being ignorant. i'm going to the iowa park church for a myriad of reasons... mostly cuz its not even a mile from where i live, and gas is really expensive. so here we go.... to the main reason i started typing today....


the darkness spreads from person to person,
an evil wicked smell,
the sickness makes us all death-ridden,
and caused graves to swell,
only by a sacrifice could mankind be made clean,
a holy lamb, a pure white dove,
saved our souls from hell.
to this day we all struggle,
and i know i am the king,
of liars, thieves, of wickedry,
and of all of the obscene,
so know that i'm not perfect,
and only that i try,
and if you see me hit the ground,
or forget just how to fly,
i'm a being of two natures,
one holy and pure,
the other, a thing darkness
for which there is but one cure.
i'm struggling inside,
and i get weak,
but remember that i'm trying,
do me a favor and utter a prayer,
to help me keep from dying.

Down and Out. Tantric.

i love this song...
its actually hopeful.... so in honor of the amazing song...
here we go.


for all the times you thought you could count me out,
i stand, smiling to tell you what i'm all about,
i laugh as you, bowed head, begin to pout,
it only grows as you begin to doubt,

for all the times i've felt you here,
knowing no one else would care,
you surround me,
warm me and astound me,

knowing nothing else but fear,
they all run and dissapear,
but you found me,
only joy an hope surround me,

kk, i'm done for now... need to work on my fans stuffs... lol, not much so it makes it more important!

stuf 2.3456

find me....

lost among the dessert sea loathing,
lost among the dark, bloating,
mass of all the graveyards going
slowly, slowly
...insane.

new path...

following yesterdays flotsam,
a path i'd rejected,
not realizing my love i'd neglected,
recovering, slowly
... again.

mmmkay

so here's the deal. i ended up having to come home, so while i'm having to stay here... i'm gonna right something.

a poem, one with meaning...


there once was a pretty stone... it did nothing, it's surface stayed cold...
and a young man existed who found it, he protected, watched out for and bound it.
not realizing just what he'd done, the man, so foolish, so young...
showcased his beauty to all, his stone, his gem, his fall.
he held it so tight, its dazzling light entranced the darkness of the night...
a man wicked and cold, with a tendency for evil so bold,
struck the young man, and limply his hand let go of oh its vigorous hold.
as the young man died, his eyes opened wide to a truth no one can be shown...

... the tighter you hold something, the less chance you'll keep it.
the more you love, the more you should release.

a sad after thought, that counted for not...
for the man, he still died alone.

Something i thought of, and thought was pretty

smile for me, darling
smile, sweet love,
fading, life dances away
on the backs of run-away doves
dance with me, beauty
be mine, sweet pet,
and through this odd dervish
of living never me forget
run, oh beloved
flee from the sound
a negative perspective
is the destruction of the sound